“You have to be interested to be interesting.” – Johnny Dzubak
The Cheat Sheet:
Why you have to be vulnerable to connect.
The three levels of rapport-building.
What is floodlighting?
How to build rapport if you’re shy or introverted.
Why making mistakes is the best way to learn.
And so much more…
There are a few topics we’re constantly asked about at The Art of Charm and how to build rapport is one of them. AJ and Johnny, two of our head instructors, join us to share the ins and outs of building rapport.
On this toolbox episode of The Art of Charm you’ll find out the three levels of rapport, how to use each effectively, and how to know if you’re building rapport with the right people.
As human beings we’re all wired for connection, support and community. But very often after college we find it hard to build deep and meaningful friendships and relationships. So what’s the secret to building rapport and developing the kinds of connections we really want?
One of most important things to remember is we have to be vulnerable to allow for a rapport to be built. And we must be patient and positive throughout the process. Know that eventually if you follow the three steps to building rapport the right people will come into your life and you will have the kind of social circle you want.
1. The first step to building rapport is light disclosure.
This is sharing an anecdote from your past, something about you that is embarrassing but light, playful and funny. This makes you relatable because we’ve all been embarrassed one time or another, and you’re also being vulnerable in disclosing that information.
Once you’ve shared and you can feel the other person is relating to you, then you can move on to the second level.
2. The second step of rapport-building is medium disclosure. At this level you’re sharing your thoughts, beliefs, and ideas about yourself and about how you see the world. This could be your political leanings, your religious beliefs, things of that nature. Now you’re getting into deeper territory here and you are taking a greater risk in your sharing.
3. The third step to building rapport is heavy disclosure.
This is the most vulnerable sharing you can do: it’s about your dreams, your hopes, your fears and what you want most out of your life. And this is the scariest stuff to talk about because it is the biggest ammo that could be used against you. However this is also where the deepest connections are developed.
Now that you know the steps to take, how do you know who to share with and who to develop rapport with? Start with your current friends, the people who have already proven they deserve your trust and your vulnerability. And then give it time and be patient while you develop rapport in your relationships.
On this toolbox edition of The Art of Charm we also discuss how to know if your sharing is being accepted, and how to embrace others’ sharing. Check it out on today’s episode.
If you enjoyed this session of The Art of Charm Podcast, let us know by clicking on the link below and sending us a quick shout out on Twitter:
AJ Harbinger - author of 1164 posts on The Art of Charm
AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality.
Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.
View all posts by AJ Harbinger →