769: Laura Heck: AVOID These 4 Behaviors in Any Relationship

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The majority of issues we face in relationships can be boiled down to 4 types of behaviors we exhibit. So what are they? How do you identify which ones you exhibit, and what can you do to deal with them in yourself, your partner, friends, family members, and coworkers before they fall apart?

What to Listen For

  • How did the Gottman Institute get started?
  • How much overlap is there between the issues married couples face versus friends, coworkers, and family members and what can we learn from the overlap?
  • What are the biggest issues typically seen in newlyweds and couples first moving in together?
  • What is implied when you stand up at the altar to say, “I do” and what should a conversation about those implications revolve around?
  • What 3 questions should you ask yourself before entering into a couples therapy situation and how do you use these questions to make sure both of you are on the same page when it comes to expectations?
  • What are the 4 problem behaviors that come up in relationships and why is it important to identify YOUR problem behavior before calling out your partner’s?
  • Why is it a bad idea to see a therapist without your partner if you’re having relationship issues?
  • How do relationship problems express themselves through our emotional, mental, and physical well being?
  • How do you deal with criticism whether it’s coming from yourself or your partner?
  • What is the difference between complaining and blaming, and why is one ok and the other is not?
  • How do you deal with defensiveness in a relationship?
  • How can you develop patience when it comes to your partner’s development since we all grow at different speeds?
  • What questions can you ask your partner to show your support for their development and assist in it (if they want you to)?

Relationships are a two-way street, so the issues we face while in relationships are a result of one person’s actions and the other’s reactions. This is not to say that one person is always acting and the other is reacting, but when attempting to tackle issues you have in your relationships, you must acknowledge your role in that issue. The responsibility does not fall 100% on you or the other person, but is shared between the two of you. This applies to romantic relationships, platonic relationships, professional relationships, and familial relationships.

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Resources from this Episode

YouTube: Making Relationships Work | Dr. Gottman
The Gottman Institute
Marriage Therapy Radio Podcast

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