How can you improve your social health if your social circle needs more high-value members? How can you improve your social health in your current social circle? In our last post we discussed “value vampires,” those people who suck away attention from you and others. These value vampires can hold you back and bring negativity into your space. In this post we’re going to talk about how to start rebuilding a high-value social circle after you’ve dealt with those value vampires. A lot of people struggle when it comes to meeting new people — especially with how to sort out … Read More
Improve Your Social Health and Increase the Value of Your Social Circle
From the Vault #20 | Overcoming Obstacles with Ryan Holiday
Our From the Vault series examines episodes from The Art of Charm’s past more deeply; we invite you to revisit them — or discover them for the first time — with us. This From the Vault features the second of three episodes we have done with Ryan Holiday, and was one of the very first ones he did to promote his book The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph. Episode 248:The Obstacle is the Way with Ryan Holiday aired in April of 2014 and it covered the theme of Ryan’s book, which took timeless … Read More
in From the Vault
What Are Social Skills? A Value Vampire Has No Clue.
What Are Social Skills? Don’t Let Value Vampires Suck the Goodness out of Your Life. From the “what are social skills” series: understanding value can help you spot value vampires. Are you a value vampire? Or do you let value vampires feed on you? Before you answer that, let’s take a minute to recap the concept of value. We usually associate value with the three “A’s:” attention, approval, and acceptance. When you offer these things to people, that gives them value. The body releases dopamine, and the person is fueled with positive feelings. It’s almost addictive. Once you feel that … Read More
in Art of Personal Development
The Illustrated Art of Manliness
One of the things that Brett McKay sometimes does at the end of an Art of Manliness podcast is a five-minute conversation with a host of another podcast. On one particular occasion he interviewed this guy named Jordan who had a show called The Art of Charm. I really enjoyed what he had to say, added the show to my podcasts, started listening, and was irretrievably hooked. So, to return the favor another way, some years later, I’d like to share with AoC readers Brett’s latest project, The Illustrated Art of Manliness: The Essential How-To Guide: Survival, Chivalry, Self-Defense, Style, … Read More
in Well-Read Wednesdays
Stuck? Here Are Nine Things You Can Do Right Now
So you’re stuck. You’ve been riding a nice wave for a minute, only to suddenly find yourself out of momentum, adrift in your work, idling in neutral. Your passion is a nice idea. Your drive is a distant memory. Whatever it takes to move forward, you’ve lost it somewhere along the way. Then come the thoughts. The worry. The anxiety. The self-doubt. The feeling that you’ve failed for no discernible reason, and that the solution is nowhere to be found. The crushing suspicion that you just don’t have what it takes to carry your goal, your project, your relationship, your … Read More
in Productivity
Six Rules for a Memorable First Meeting
So you’ve made yourself get out there and go to some networking meetings. Good for you! But are you concerned because you didn’t walk away with a meeting already set up? The good news is you stepped out of your comfort zone and made contacts; the bad news is that you may not know what to do next. How do you reach out to set up that first meeting? Here are six simple rules to make sure your first encounters are meetings your network will attend and remember. Rule Number One The first thing to remember is this: don’t push … Read More
in Art of Personal Development
How to Make the Most of Feedback
Criticism is an unavoidable part of life. Whether we want it or not, feedback will find us — at work, at home, and in our closest relationships. Some people avoid it at all costs, and wrestle with how to make sense of other people’s opinions about their work. Others embrace criticism, and use it to develop the insights they need to take their work to the next level. In my recent piece on the art of giving feedback, I mentioned that I wasn’t exactly a natural when it comes to criticism. It was only when I began receiving emails from … Read More
in Art of Personal Development, Self Mastery
Five Times You Should Be the Adultiest Adult Ever
Is it time to stop shirking your responsibilities as an adult? Check out our crucial clues it’s time step up, take responsibility, and take control. We’re all adults now, so today I want to talk to you about one of the most important things you can do for yourself — take control of your life. Now is as good a time as any to learn the art of responsibility. Here are five areas of your life you should watch to make sure you’re leaning in and taking responsibility. First, Clean Your Room No, really. Cleaning your room, your personal space, … Read More
in Art of Personal Development
What Happened When I Interviewed Roger Stone: A Case Study in Confirmation Bias
A few weeks ago, I interviewed Roger Stone. I knew it would be a controversial episode. Given Stone’s outsized and unsettling role in American politics, I expected our audience to have a range of opinions about the interview, most of them, I imagined, quite critical. After all, Stone is one of the key people responsible for the tenor and controversy of the 2016 presidential election, and he continues to embody a certain kind of power and relationship to (dis)information that makes our political system so complicated and divisive. “People are going to cry because I had someone on the show … Read More
in Art of Personal Development
Restructuring to Improve Your Social Circle
We’ve talked about social circles before. This time we want to look at filtering people who may not be a good fit for your life. When it comes to restructuring your social circle, there are a few things to keep in mind. Number one: not everyone is worth your time. When we’re struggling with social anxiety and don’t really know how to put things together, we tend to sort of stick with people, even when it would be better to move on. When we let one or two people into our life even though they treat us poorly and exhibit … Read More
in Art of Personal Development