It’s Not Always What You Say, But How You Say It

what to say to women“It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” How many times have you heard that gem? There’s a great deal of truth to it, especially when we’re discussing what to say to women. The actual words that you use have very little to do with what you’re communicating. What’s far more important is your tone of voice and your body language. So how do you get that working for you instead of against you? The Art of Charm is here to help.

 

How Important Is Your Tone of Voice?

When figuring out what to say to women, don’t forget the importance of tone. There’s a simple phrase we can use to underpin just how important your tone of voice is: “Get out of here.” You can say this in a lighthearted way that shows a sort of humorous incredulity. Or you can say it in a threatening way that leaves no room for doubt that you mean business. This one phrase shows just how important it is to master your tone of voice.

How You Say It: Smile

A trick that a friend of mine who once worked in telemarketing taught me is to always smile when I’m on the phone. Seriously, try it. You have no idea how much a smile can affect your tone of voice until you give this a shot. And if you think it makes a difference when someone can’t even see your face, what do you think it’s going to do for you when you’re out at a bar or club? Record yourself and see if you can’t notice the difference. Then apply this whenever you talk to people.

How You Say It: Body Language

Another secret of communication: Upbeat tone of voice when combined with an aggressive body language can come across as insincere or sarcastic. What you want to aim for is open body language; So get your hands out of your pockets and let them hang naturally by your side. Control the movements you make with your hands and make them more meaningful — only use them when you mean to and when you have a purpose. When it comes to body language, the better part of it is just being aware of what you’re doing and having a reason for doing it.

How You Say It: The Words You Use

There are a million ways to express any idea. You want to do it in the way that achieves your goals. Avoid being sarcastic or snarky, but try to be challenging and funny at times. This can be a hard line to walk, but remember that sarcasm has a sort of darker, meaner edge to it. At the end of the day, however, your body language and tone of voice can help you to sell things you’re saying that you’d never get away with if you had a sterner and more intense tone of voice or body language.

Once you master tone of voice and body language, you’ve effectively unlocked a hack that you can use to better achieve all your social goals at work, with friends and, of course, with girls when you’re out at bars and clubs. This is why it’s worth practicing these things regularly, being honest with your self-criticism and applying the lessons that you learn rigorously.

Still struggling with what to say to women (and how to say it)? Contact The Art of Charm today, and start seeing real results with women.

AJ Harbinger - author of 1047 posts on The Art of Charm

AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born.

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