5 Reasons Why Approach Anxiety is Illogical

Probably the biggest obstacle that keeps guys from learning how to approach a girl they like is approach anxiety.  But the amazing thing is that there is absolutely no logical reason for approach anxiety to even exist in the first place.  Here are 5 (though I could go on) of the top reasons why approach anxiety makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Women want to meet you

One of the things that stops a guy from learning how to approach a girl he likes is he will look at a girl and assume she doesn’t want to meet him.  He immediately thinks she’s “out of his league”, or that by approaching her he would just be a bother.

Both those thoughts are utter nonsense.  If you are a fun, positive, high-value guy (the kind of guy who would add value to her life) then most women will be more than happy to meet you.  It doesn’t matter what you look like or how much you have in your bank account.  If you can make a girl feel good (make her laugh, feel appreciated, connected, provide her with exciting new experiences, etc.) then she will be glad you walked into her life.  (And for all you guys worrying you’ll just wind up in the friend-zone, click here and learn how to ensure that won’t happen).

The halo effect

Another thing that stops guys from learning how to approach a girl they like is putting attractive women up on a pedestal.  This is often caused by a “halo effect”.  A guy will see an attractive girl and then attribute all these other positive qualities to her because of the way she looks.  Just because she’s pretty he’ll assume everything else about her and her life must be perfect.

But to assume a girl has a perfect life just because she’s pretty is outrageous.  Everyone has flaws, insecurities, fears, and struggles in their life regardless of how they look.  Remember that, and you will have an easier time connecting with these “flawless” women.

There is nothing to be afraid of

So many of the fears that pop up in guy’s head when thinking about how to approach a girl he likes have no basis in reality.  Guys have these stories and beliefs that if he approaches a girl then everything will go horribly wrong.  She’ll fly off the handle (or turn ice-cold), humiliate him, and everyone around will point and laugh and he’ll feel like a loser.  Then the girl will spend the rest of her life remembering that lame guy who had the nerve to try and start a conversation with her at a bar.

But the reality is the fear of rejection is way worse than rejection itself.  You know what actually happens after a girl turns you down?  Nothing.  Not a damn thing. The world keeps spinning and everyone just moves on.  Besides it’s not like women hate being approached (it’s a flattering boost to the ego) or are out to humiliate guys.  In fact the vast majority of women will go way out of their way to avoid coming across as cold or harsh.

The outcome doesn’t matter

Guys will often get worked up thinking they need a certain outcome with a woman.  They think they need a phone number, date, make out, or whatever else in order to feel good about their approach.  If they don’t get that of validation, they feel like a failure.

But it doesn’t make any sense to view approaching women this way.  After all you know nothing about the girl.  Behind that pretty face she could be an absolute disaster and a nightmare to be around.  Not getting that number could be the best thing that could have happened to you.

Plus, when guys start learning how to approach girls they like and get more experience, most realize that there is more than enough satisfaction to be gained simply by making the approach.  Think about it: have you ever approached a girl or asked a girl out and even though she said no, you didn’t care?  You were just pumped that you had the courage to go for it?  That feeling of power and excitement is available to you every time you see an attractive woman.  All you’ve got to do is go up and express yourself authentically (“Hi, you’re totally cute, my name is ___”) and more often than not you’ll walk away feeling like a champion – regardless of how she reacts – just for having the courage to do it.

Rejection isn’t real

When guys who are just starting to learn how to approach girls they like get rejected, they often take it personally.  They think that rejection is a reflection of their value as a man.  And since the girl didn’t give him a number it means he’s not “good enough” for attractive women.

But rejection isn’t personal.  When a girl rejects you after your initial approach, what is she rejecting?  She’s not rejecting you – she doesn’t even know you.  She’s merely rejecting the approach.

And more often than not the reasons for her to reject the approach have nothing to do with you.  It’s based on other factors, like her mood and her history.  If a girl is in a bitter mood, you’ve got very little chance of sparking attraction.  If she’s in a bar where everyone she’s met has been lame and cheesy, she might put you in that same box (before you even say a word!) merely for being at that same bar.  The fact is there are a million possible reasons for a girl to turn a guy down that have absolutely nothing to do with him, and are 100% to do with her.

Learn how to approach a girl you like

Though approach anxiety is illogical and its causes are not based in reality it is still a very real problem.  One that takes time and practice to overcome.

Want to learn more about Art of Charm programs that help you with Approach Anxiety? Click Here

Brian M - author of 191 posts on The Art of Charm

Once he realized attraction was something he could learn, Brian spent way too much of his free time studying and practicing everything he could find on the subject. He stumbled across The Art of Charm podcast and eventually signed up for an AoC bootcamp. Excited by the progress he's made in his own life since the program, he decided to start writing for AoC to help other guys do the same. By writing about interpersonal dynamics, he’s finally able to put that psychology degree to good use.

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in Approaching A Woman, Art of Dating